The "IF" Factor : Breaking down round 2 of the NBA Playoffs

LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM?

Well that was totally anti-climactic... Kobe Bryant was MIA for game 7 against Phoenix and being the Kobe hater that I am I was thrilled. He came out to play but when he realized his team was not going to be able to pull it off he went AWOL. My theory ... Once the Lakers were down 15 he started passing the ball to the rest of his team, who for the most part don't belong in the NBA and when they lose he can say he got them the shots they didn't make them... blah blah team player blah blah... Youth in the playoffs... But really the Lakers were down on the Raptors by 20 points the day Kobe decided to go nuts on us all and drop 81 points. You tellin me he couldn't even try to win this game on his own somethin he is done all season long?

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Round 2 is underway and I am a little late for a preview (blame the good weather) so I decided to go with the humor approach to break down the series. Every game has some players that are tagged the "X" - Factor so here is my version with my "IF" factor for each team to get to the next round.

(#2) Miami Heat v/s (#3) New Jersey Nets


IF Shaq can arrest Vince for faking an injury
IF Dwayne Wade can stop wearing those pantyhose
IF Jason Williams can go back to being "White Chocolate"
IF Antoine Walker figures out a way to become useful on the court
IF Alonzo Mourning thanks Vince for asking for a trade which in turn got Zo to Miami
IF Gary Payton can stop trash talking and actually start playing ball
IF the Miami Heat never again don the Floridians uniform


... Then the Miami Heat will win this series.


IF Vince Carter doesn't have a graduation to attend...
IF Richard Jefferson can bribe Jason Kidd to pass him the ball from time to time
IF Jason Kidd can keep his manchild of a kid away from the press conferences
IF Nenad Kristic pulls a "Raja Bell" on Shaq
IF Uncle Cliffy would reveal what age defying pills he has been taking
IF John Thomas can enjoy his 15 minutes of fame
IF Lawrence Frank can grow some facial hair


... Then the New Jersey Nets will win this series.

My Prediction: Miami in 6
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(#1) Detroit Pistons v/s (#4) Cleveland Cavaliers

IF Rasheed Wallace can find a way to hide that hideous patch on the top of his head
IF Chauncy Billups shows Larry Hughes how to make a shot in a playoff game
IF Ben Wallace releases the FRO
IF Tayshaun Prince shows Lebron what playing against a real defender is
IF Richard Hamilton admits he uses the mask to hide his ugliness
IF the Pistons fans keep their beer cups away from the players on the court.


... Then the Pistons will win this series.


IF Lebron James can stop making love to Damon Jones long enough to win a game
IF Damon Jones can forget about his 14 seconds of fame and actually contribute
IF Big Z can find a way to make a shot over Big Ben who is 6" shorter than him
IF Donyell Marshall can find his 3 point shot
IF Anderson Varejao gets cast in the role for "Sideshow Bob" in the live action movie
IF the Pistons simultaneously combust
IF the NBA pays off the refs 'cuz they want to see Lebron set new records


... Then the Cavaliers will win this series

My Prediction: Pistons in 5

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(#2) Phoenix Suns v/s (#6) Los Angeles Clippers


IF Steve Nash defects from the NBA to the MLS
IF Sean Marion takes the Red pill and gets transported to Zion
IF Boris Diaw can get his middle name on his jersey 'cuz it sounds cool (Riffod)
IF Leandro Barbosa can decide on a nickname...
IF Raja Bell can get his mom to do some more trash talking
IF Tim Thomas keeps getting paid for showing up only for the playoffs


... Then the Phoenix Suns will win this series


IF Elton Brand starts sounding like an adult male
IF Sam Cassell gets cast for the role of E.T in the remake of the movie...
IF Chris Kaman finds his way to the barbershop
IF Shaun Livingston spends less time designing his corn rows
IF the Phoenix Suns try to play defence
IF Billy Crystal swaps season tickets with Jack Nicholson (Jack is soooo much cooler)

... Then the Clippers will win this series

My Prediction: Suns in 6
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(#1) San Antonio Spurs v/s (#4) Dallas Mavericks


IF Tim Duncan grows a personality and shows some emotion
IF Manu Ginobili admits Balki from "Perfect Strangers" is his twin
IF Tony Parker stops drooling at his woman and concentrates on his extreme layups
IF Robert Horry can make about 100 more clutch 3's
IF Bruce Bowen admits to playing "dirty" defense
IF Eva Longoria flashes the Dallas Mavericks team


... Then the Spurs will win this series


IF Dirk Nowitzki can lay off the Booze
IF Jerry Stackhouse can make more 3's than Robert Horry
IF Devon Harris breaks Tony Parker's record for fastest end to end layup
IF Avery Johnson throws a fit at a post game press conference
IF Desagana Diop can stay out of foul trouble
IF Mark Cuban claims to "own" Greg Popovich


... Then the Mavericks will win this series

My Prediction: Dallas Mavericks in 7